|
|
Top Ten Reasons Not To
Join The Empire
10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.
9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor."
8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead
to the "main reactor".
7. TIE Fighters have no shields.
6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding
teddy bears.
5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two
weeks.
4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.
3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.
2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield
generator.
1. Bounty Hunters, We don't need their scum! |
Sexual
Star Wars Trilogy Lines
A NEW HOPE
'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
'Look at the size of that thing!'
'Sorry about the mess...'
'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
'Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?'
'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
'Put that thing away before you get us all killed.'
'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
'Get in there, you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!'
'She's fast enough for you, old man.'
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
'I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up
like that, huh, kid?'
'That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while.'
'Hurry up, golden-rod..'
'I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.'
'There's an awful lot of moisture in here.'
'Possible, he came through the south entrance.'
'But now we must eat, Come...good food, come...'
'Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?'
'And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.'
'Control, control, you must learn control!'
RETURN OF THE JEDI
'There is good in him, I've felt it.'
'Hey Luke, thanks for coming after me, now I owe you one.'
'You're a jittery little thing aren't you?'
'In time you will call me master.'
'A little higher, just a little higher.'
'I never knew I had it in me.'
'Grab it, almost..you almost got it. Gently now, alright, easy,
easy...'
'Hey, point that thing someplace else!'
'What could possibly have come over Master Luke?'
'Back door, huh? Good idea!' |
Female
Bashing
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never
be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you fix a women's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?
A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced. |
The Laws Of Golfing
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.
This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the
supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a
summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by
your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with
the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be
proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf
ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one
does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut
down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of
the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems
himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to
humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it
works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from
the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than
anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will
consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another,
particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt."
Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an
easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the
one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your
score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the
sunset of the same day. |
Things
to Say at a Job Interview
See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing
uncontrollably.
Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; 'Boy!, I bet
this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.'
Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: 'The
strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?'
After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, 'Of course I
was totally hammered at the time.'
Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.
Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen
your secret patent for '2000 Flushes'.
Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.
Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.
Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you
swiped all the supplies from your other job.
Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or
you're not leaving.
Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like
making anything else up.
Ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office
from a few angles, put away, declare; 'NOW we can begin.'
When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout: You mean
Homer and Marge are in some kind of trouble?'
Sniff two of your fingers hold out toward interviewer, ask; 'smell
these, these smell funny to you???'
Upon walking in to the office for first time, ask receptionist to hold
all your calls. |
12 Step
Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER
newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand
typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan
dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends
and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling
them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is
necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to
balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed
sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow! |
Confucious Says
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park
meat in girl!
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Couple on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.
Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.
Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
He who run behind bus get exhausted.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
Man who puts dick in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts. |
Signs
You Have Had Too Much Of The 90's
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in a year.
You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of
three.
Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college
roommate used to play that you most despised.
Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of
the screen.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date...and now sells
for half the price you paid.
Cleaning up the dining area means gettting the fast food bags out of
the back seat of your car.
Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
You consider second day air delivery painfully slow.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but
you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. |
Anagrams
An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing
or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following
are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much
time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the
letters:
Dormitory .................................. Dirty Room
Evangelist................................. Evil's Agent
Desperation.............................. A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code..................... Here Come Dots
Slot Machines......................... Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity................................ Is No Amity
Mother-in-law..........................Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms........................ Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness......................... Genuine Class
Semolina................................... Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries......... Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point...................... I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes.................... That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two..................... Twelve plus one
Contradiction......................... Accord not in it
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA......................... TO COPULATE HE
FINDS INTERNS |
Comedians' Best Lines, 1997
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was,
'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope
not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'
--Larry Miller
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new
boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."
--Christopher Case
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay,
and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say
because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother
is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
--Ellen DeGeneres
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied
in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll
have to kill you too.'"
--Jake Johansen
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
--Dick Cavett
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least
they can find Kuwait."
--A. Whitney Brown
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.
I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is
that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"
--Jon Stewart
"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to
teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in
a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do
tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the
Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like
shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
--Jack Mayberry
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:
Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting
C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually
bought a congressman."
--Bruce Baum
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may
be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from
animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
--Jeff Stilson
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think
that's how dogs spend their lives."
--Sue Murphy
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
--Rita Mae Brown
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the
same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
--Rita Rudner
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty
violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain
all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you
should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of
four people make up 75 percent of the population."
--David Letterman
"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and
Gomorrah an apology."
--Jay Leno
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific."
--Lily Tomlin
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past
me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the
toe clippers right here.'"
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my....I could be eating a slow learner."
--???? |
Benefits of Being a
Woman
We got off the Titanic first.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls,
and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like
complete idiots in ours.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in
a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks, free dinners.
We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay.
We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group
shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates
are still there.
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture
them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an
idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. |
Did you
know...
The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896.
Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually
clear.
Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why
Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered
blood donors.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear
pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane
crashes.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump".
If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn
white.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left
handed people do.
The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every
letter in the English language.
Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using the letters on
only one row of the keyboard.
If the population of China walked past you single file, the line would
never end because of the rate of reproduction.
A snail can sleep for three years.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from
each salad served in first-class.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The longest word in the English language in 1909 letters long and it
refers to a distinct part of DNA.
If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would
stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of
a normal human's neck.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full
moon.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
The most common name in the world in Mohammed.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the
Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
Americans eat an average of 18 acres of pizza every day.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a
poisonous spider.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left handed.
The catfish is the animal with the most taste buds - 27,000.
A cockroach will live 9 days without its head before it starves to
death.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish don't have brains.
The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, and can pull 30 times its
own weight.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length...it's like a human
jumping the length of a football field.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm
home. What the....")
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they
start with.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child
reaches 2-6 years of age.
The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave it to Beaver".
In the great fire of London in 1666, half of London was burnt down but
only 6 people were injured.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan".
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produce
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a
poisonous spider.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.
In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own
weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left handed.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1
for animal having the most taste buds.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length, It's like a human jumping
the length of a football field.
A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves
to death.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the
morning.
Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
People Do Not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a
lot more.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop even your heart!
Only 7% of the population are lefties.
40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute...
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are
2-6 years old.
The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in
lines.
The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
The average housefly lives for one month.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
Eating breakfast cereals like "Fruity Pebbles" and "Cap'n Crunch" will
cause your stools to come out green.
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
About 20% of all adults in the US have or have had a cockroach that
called their inner ear canal HOME.
The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search
for water.
Among the music catalogs that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is
the South Carolina State anthem.
If all the veins in your body were laid end-to-end, you'd be dead.
In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white
paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane
just in case there is a crash.
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can
for a carburetor.
Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from
women who give birth.
Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana.
If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola it would be green. |
Twenty
Management Styles
1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES These kind of
managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll
have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared
around the corner.
2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW These managers you usually
meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their
pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out of the
windows.
3) MANAGING BY POST-ITSŪ Some managers forget everything. They want to
impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on Post-ItsŪ
while you are talking.
4) MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY These managers just
delegate everything to the secretary.
5) MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING These managers don't really know
anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the
time with irrelevant anecdotes.
6) MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING These people try to explain the
present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this
never will work, completely satisfies them. They will always have
something to talk about.
7) MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION Information hiders are aware of the
market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very
thankful to get any information at all.
8) MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS These managers prevent
their bosses from creative thinking. Else they have more work to do.
9) MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS In hierarchical
organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The
more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal
managers, and so on.
10) MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS If you drink beer with
them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing
can stop your carreer anymore.
11) MANAGING BY STUDYING Despite their continual attendances of all
kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The
longer they learn, the further they get from the practice.
12) MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS Do you know them? Those
sheets with some big arrows,boxes or circles? These sheets provide the
ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.
13) MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM This is a major improvement
of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in
and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.
14) MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS This kind of managing is
very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same
information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.
15) MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE In an
organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really
necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from
having a better infrastructure.
16) BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS ) This management style is
ATRASACWOC ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of
Communication ).
17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS These managers like to bluff your
head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.
18) MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION If they think there is nothing more to
organize, they reorganize.
19) MANAGING BY BELIEVING These managers must be spiritual educated,
because they have no clues at all.
20) MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES If you remind them to one of their
promises, the priority of that promise is too low to remember. |
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