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Millennium Pie
(with apologies to Don McLean, American Pie)
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember how
Computers used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make electrons dance,
And maybe I'd be happy for a while.
But January made me shiver,
it chilled me deep down in my liver,
Bad news I'd collected...
I couldn't get connected.
I can't remember back that day
When I first knew the Y2K
But something touched me anyway,
The day computers died.
So, ...Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
Can you write in C plus plus ?
And do you have faith in your local bus
If the driver tells you so?
Do you believe in Compaq's goals
Can software save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to type real slow?
Well I thought that you were prepared
'Cause your memo said you weren't impaired
Your stationery's swell
But you can go to hell
I was a lonely teenage Unix hack
With an incantation and a modem jack
but I knew the cat had left the sack
The day computers died
I started singin'...
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
Now for 10 years we've ignored the threat
And we haven't solved the problem yet
But that's not how it used to be
When the luddites read for the king and queen
with a light they filled with kerosene
And some manuals they stole from you and me
And while Bill Gates was looking pleased
Time stole his monopolies
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
While Apple tried a color scheme
The engineers returned to steam
And we had purges of their dreams
The day computers died
We were singin'
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
Intel inside in an iron smelter
The food leftover from my fallout shelter
Twinkies old and aging fast
I'd rather eat the grass
Q and A tried for a system crash
With the tester on the sidelines in a cast
Now the timeshare net was running Doom
While mainframes played a marching tune
We all tried to log in
Oh, but we never could begin
'Cause Cobol tried to take the field,
And Holerith refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed,
The day computers died?
We started singing
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
There we were all in a state
A generation- really late
With no time left to start again
So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick
Don't let my spreadsheet data stick
'Cause data is the devil's only friend.
As I watched him on my screen
My hands and face were drenched in steam
No angel born in hell
Could run that stupid shell
And as the ball climbed high into the night
To call the sacrificial night
I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight
the day computers died.
I met a girl with a cell phone
And I asked her for a dial tone
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the software store
Where I'd seen computers years before
But the man there said the games there wouldn't play
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
their interface was spoken
The Internet was broken
And the three things I connect to most
The Website, Lan and the Network host
Every single one was toast
The day computers died
They were singin'
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire |
Give
Back My Glove
I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!! |
Little
Rose
Little blue eyed Rose Sinclair,
Stood shyly by the barber's chair
While Mr. Fairclough trimmed the hair
Of Rose's father, sitting there.
And as she stood, she slowly ate
A bar of creamy choco-late
Her favourite milky 'Twinkle Bar'
Bought earlier, by dear Papa.
"Don't stand so close" the barber frowned
As clippings tumbled all around
"'Cos' standing there, the chances are
You'll get hairs on your chocolate bar!"
But little Rose, a shy young child
Just snuggled up to Pa and smiled
So Mr. Fairclough, in dismay
Continued cutting anyway.
And when he'd finished father's head,
He turned to little Rose and said
"Have you got hairs on your 'Twinkle' then?"
"Not yet", said Rose... "I'm only ten!!!" |
Jack & Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some
marajuana.
Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked, "Jill do
you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress,you know
what happened next? Stupid Jill forgot the pill, then they
had a son named Bill. |
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